Nonsense rhyme

I think I liked you better
   When we were perfect strangers,
When you sent me no letter
   Containing lovely dangers.

I find it so dismaying
   That we two have befriended:
I'm old and slowly graying;
   You're young and looking splendid.

We chat so blithe and silly
   Of things that hardly matter;
With you, the summer's chilly,
   And starving men grow fatter.

We hug; we kick; we wrestle;
   We love and hate together;
Through autumn nights we nestle
   Beneath the starry weather.

You're such a lovely spirit,
   So awesome and so scary!
Your voice -- who needs to hear it?
   Your chin's so smooth and hairy.

The whistling April zephyr
   Brings warmth and pleasant feeling
To lamb and lowing heifer,
   To men fixing our ceiling.

You're such a prim carnation
   So exquisitely petalled!
The crowd's in consternation;
   The mob is quite unsettled.

You're thinner than a beastie
   With whisker and with bristle;
You sound like you're from Eastie:
   Do you know how to whistle?

I wish we could discover
   Bright bumblebees and flowers!
I'd make an awful lover;
   I don't take many showers.

Your face belongs in pictures
   Painted and photographic --
To hell with moral strictures!
   Let's dance in speeding traffic.

And now I end my lyric
   With rhymes so brash and harmful,
With manner so satiric
   And bad jokes by the armful.

If something in this ballad
   Vexes, annoys, or rankles,
I'll eat a Waldorf salad
   And kiss your pretty ankles.